Don't Need to Understand the Gist of My Life

I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I went to school thinking about life. Why the hell do we need to eat? That's what I was thinking about ALL morning. Like, seriously. I starve most days now because i hate eating. And DON'T get me started on the fact that it's suppose to help sustain your body and give you energy. I wish I was born to NOT be able to eat and still be FINE and never STARVE. And don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to become skinny or anything...It's just annoying to eat now. Am I the only HUMAN BEING thinking this? Because everyone loves to eat. UGH. I'll only eat when necessary. Like when I'm on the brink of death due to starvation!
   Yay! Honors convocation today to recognize students in work study, academics, and citizenship. And guess what? I got a Citizenship award(meaning I didn't get a detention and was never absent) and first honors. Fuck yeah! Lely got Second Honors and the day before she was commenting on how it wasn't good for me to go to an all asian school. So fuck her! At least I know my good values and beat the shiet out of you! It's not like hanging around Americans would be bad...I just knew that knowing my own fucking culture would score my own high expectations. HAH!
   Oh my god. David Zeng got more awards than me. As expected of a straight-face asian who is always quiet...wait, that's almost like me. But I suppose he's more outgoing... Well, his awards were one of the TOP. And by TOP I mean it's something all parents would want their kids to get... And I applauded for him because he fucking deserves it! I guess he was working hard. Well good for him. I guess it made me feel like I was wasting my freaking time.
   Is this the first time I cursed when typing something so formal? -____-
   At least I did good, Okay? My parents should be happy. Actually, they don't give a shit if I do good. If I do bad, they flip out ! But yay! I was one of the few people who actually gives a crap about school. xP
   Oh yeah, the day before, Dr. Gomez announced at the end of the day to the whole student body and someone was doing drugs or buying them. And I'm like WTF. Okay. You came to Cristo Rey for a reason. Going to school doesn't involve doing shit that would ruin your future and the rest of your life. Why is it that I feel like I'm racist now because I feel like Asians are the top race? Well...maybe in some things they are. Such as school. You see, my theory on why Asians are so smart is that because they have dark hair and that those in Asia go to school ALL YEAR ROUND. I wish I lived in China because I like to learn. But I zone out a lot reflecting on everything that has happened.. How pitiful.
   And then I just realized. Why the hell should I care if someone is doing drugs? Actually, yes i do care because I don't want everyone else to suffer due to one person's retarded mistake. it's not fair to me and everyone around me, especially to those I hate because I know they wouldn't go that far to make someone suffer (or would they?).
   And so, we're getting far off topic here....
   UM...I forgot to mention...I like my teachers but sometimes they piss me off to the high heavens. Like today in class after lunch, I wanted to wash my freaking hands really quick because I don't want to have germs on my hands after eating. And I'm more hygienic than I was before so I'm more obsessed with being clean. I asked her if I could go wash my hands.
Ms. D'Emma: Why?
Me: Because they're...."dirty".
Ms. D'Emma:*makes face*can you wait for a bit longer? *Hand motion like "bitch please" and turns to her work.
Me:*fucking does my work like a boss and making sure not to touch my face*
   LIKE SERIOUSLY? I can't wait until later, which is why I'm buying my fucking hand sanitizer tomorrow. And if any of my classmates ask for hand sanitizer, I'll be fucking furious! (But then my nice-nice side will kick in and pity them because they don't want to get sick and will give them a few drops of the hand sanitizer anyway.) Well, David Zeng is exceptional but I doubt he'll ask for any because ... he hates me I guess. I don't know. It happened after my break up with Auen so maybe they discussed something. But me and Auen are still friends. We played pool together on OMGPOP and talked about high school shiet and anime.... But he never fucking talks to me in person. He just gives me a glance then turns back to his friends...And I'm like...."Lame..." Not. It's my fault too because i'm too scared to talk to him. Like UM..... NO! Never talking to you again unless it's online because you can't see my fucking face. He wanted to face chat with me on skype too but I turned down the offer.
   QuaShaun and even Lely protected me when I was getting hurt. I even cried today because Aliyah kept bothering me and poking me and sort of punching me. And Andrew S. accidentally slid his chair into my arm when I was hiding my face in my arms and Lely was like "Look at where you're going. You're hurting Vazeni." And then Richard kept calling my name when I wanted peace and quiet to sleep in my arms after taking a test. And half an hour later as I was crying a bit, he asked if I was going out with Simon. And I wasn't really crying but i didn't raise my head. I told him no. He said there was a rumor.
   RUMORS ABOUT ME. At least there not at terrible as they seem because I got a lot of tough people who would beat up other people for hurting me. They admitted it too because they said that I was nice and minded my own business and sheit. I don't like talking to these "tough" people to much though.
   A few reasons for the rumor perhaps are:
1.) Simon hangs out with me after school when I'm trying to do my homework. Imagine in Tonari No Kaibutsu when Mitty is trying to do her homework but then Haru pops up. But then Simon is 100x more annoying and he tells me jokes and stupid punchlines (believe me, if you knew him, you'd be fucked)
2.) He opens doors for me. Fuck it! I try to get it myself but he just has to do it. And there are days where I'm seriously TOO SAD AND PISSED OFF to give a damn on what other people think on the situation. But there you go.

    I sound so cruel. I don't like hurting people. But I can still express my true deep thoughts from within right? You know that i need somebody...Davidson Hope?